God Listens, Understands, and Gives Comfort When Others Try but Cannot.

He cares about who you are and the details of your life.

A Prelude to Miraculously Timed Events.

I feel a little guilty about this, but I often experience more compassion and empathy welling up for animals that are suffering, in need, or dying than I do for people, at least--people I don't know. It's not that I don't possess those feelings for humans; it's just that it frequently hurts more when it comes to animals. Maybe it's because they are so often innocent, trusting, and defenseless, just looking for enough food to last the day or craving the love of the person who controls their life, or sometimes just going about their business, harmlessly trying to have a fun. And they have so much to offer: companionship, love, entertainment and more! I have heard that people who have been abused in some way often have extra compassion for animals. Perhaps, in addition to other painful circumstances in my life, it is the sexual abuse I experienced as a child at the hands of relatives and later by a boyfriend that causes my strong feelings. Or could it be like the soldiers (in WWI, I believe) who stopped being as impacted by the death of fellow fighters, because it was too much for them, and became traumatized instead by the suffering and death of the horses that were used. Regardless of the cause, I believe some of us are designed to turn out this way for purposes we may not even be aware of.

In fact, I think it's important that some people do care more about the suffering of animals. Otherwise, who would tend to the ones being abused? What if we all just said, "Well, it's only a cat, only a dog, a cow, a horse, an elephant..."? The cruelty would never stop, and in some situations, it doesn't, and it's extreme. I usually cannot bear to think of it except to try to do something about it. And, yes--I know--many people cannot relate at all to what I am saying and even think this type of perception is absurd, but my sense of guilt mostly dissipates when I consider the uniqueness of each individual personality and that God created me and likes me the way I am. (Sigh of relief) I'm okay. ...And He likes you, too, even if you are a nasty animal hater. Haha! But truly, He understands the design and purpose of each person. AND! He's proud of you for trying to be the best You that you can be.

Anyway, this is not an article about animal cruelty. I just wanted to give a bit of perspective, as this post relates to an animal and me. Well, actually, several animals and me.

As a child, I loved animals, but a few things happened which caused my heart to gradually turn cold toward them. First, at the age of about 5, I tried to help a baby bird and, in my lack of knowledge, instead caused its death. I was devasted. Then when I was about 11 or 12, our beloved dog Skippy had gotten old, wandered down the road and was hit and killed by a car. Again I was devasted. All the while, we raised chickens (a few of them were temporarily our pets) and other animals that were slaughtered for our meals. Bonding with animals and then experiencing the deep pain of losing them proved to be too hard on me. Then, when I became a teenager, my attention was turned toward boys, friends, and boyfriends along with all the other chosen priorities that accompany that stage of life. I even had a short period of time when I shoplifted a few things such as make-up (some of which, for popularity, I gave away)--until I got caught! A compassionate police officer, my angry mom, and a disappointed older cousin helped me to have a remorseful heart.

Unfortunately, by my early teens, I had learned the instant gratification of living on the "surface", although I had the deeper heart of a poet and wrote as such. Reciting two of my poems (one about a dying drug addict and one about a lonely orphan) at age 15, I won "May Princess" in the community talent competition, the "May Queen" Contest: evidence that I started life with deep thoughts and a soft heart. Into my twenties, I got busy with some important pursuits, while also wasting a lot of time in regrettable ways that I have touched on in previous posts. Busyness and distractions provide a fairly successful way to avoid emotional pain, but, as millions know, they also often bring and perpetuate emptiness in the long run. The point being, my heart was growing hard, and I lost all compassion for and interest in animals. I only noticed it in my late 20s when, in Mexico, I saw a deceased dog beside the sidewalk and felt nothing. That shocks me now.

Miraculously, in my late thirties, after a powerful encounter with Jesus, my frozen heart began to thaw. It was still difficult to be very close with people, but I found my heart warming toward furry creatures, and at a certain point, I started longing to hold a kitten and not have to give it back to the person it belonged to. A sweet friend from church kindly nudged me, saying, "Lorna, I think it's t-i-m-e." She had a cat and a dog and noticed what was happening with me; then, wanting to see me happy, helped me acquire my first kitten, my only pet since I was a child. God has always brought the right people into my life, even if it was just for a season.

Anyway, my love of animals was fully restored, kind of exploded, and that first kitten became the joy of my life. I took him with me almost everywhere! Five years later my heart was broken when he suddenly died, but I will not go into that here. Suffice it to say: more devastation. However, a few months later, I was able to open my heart up to two kittens, siblings who needed a home.

As the frail little fluff-balls grew up and got stronger, one of them had a recurring medical problem with his eyes, which caused me repeated bouts of anxiety. In his seventh year, other extenuating circumstances crushed in on me, overwhelmed me and pushed me over the edge to make the huge mistake of giving up trying to take care of him. To my shame, I went into denial and did the opposite of what my true heart really wanted. I had him put "to sleep" when I didn't actually have to, and I could never quite get over it. I realized later that it was all because I didn't want to set proper boundaries and disappoint people. From then on I was determined to do what was right, learn to say "No" and commit myself to never letting something like that happen again.

As Max's sister grew old and weak and then sick, I did everything I could to give her a comfortable end of life, hoping that for once, I could say goodbye without such intense grief.

Right. Some treatments backfired and only made her worse. The vet assistant eventually suggested I might want to talk to the vet about "quality of life". Francie was 18 and a half years old, and I finally had to let her go...

When I took her in, she was in pain, sick, skinny, extremely weak--and terrified. Seeing her so frightened and helpless broke my heart again. I can't explain how painful it was to know that she was so terribly afraid and that I could not comfort her. I drove away feeling like I would never be happy again.

The Miraculously Timed Events

My lifelong struggle to accept the inevitability of death was magnified in Francie, and unstoppable empathy tormented me. But God has ways to help us through any storm or valley, and He did. Furthermore, he uses our tragedies for a purpose, such as to cause us to face what we have been running from.

My closest friends were kind and sympathetic, but this did not reach the inner workings of my heart. They didn't quite "get me". Nobody could help. It wasn't even so much that she was gone; it was more her suffering, her fear-filled eyes and the helpless little kitten-like sounds in her breathing that pained me. (I know that you genuine animal lovers out there get this!)

I was a mess, and it still makes me cry as I relive it in detail. Thankfully, a few startling things happened, giving me something to hold onto as I trudged through the heaviness and mire which clung to me after the several months of difficulty that Francie and I had endured together, followed by my seeing her in pain, misery and terror with the catheter stuck to her foreleg and only moments left to live. Oh, this part of life...

Francie passed away on a Thursday. On Sunday nights, I was in the habit of watching re-runs of a silly old sit-com (Dick VanDyke!) It never dealt with the topic of death and sorrow, but strangely that night it did. Not only was that the topic, but it centered around two sibling animals--two ducklings that came into the care of the main characters and grew up in their home. Halfway through the story, it is revealed that one of the ducks had gotten sick and died before its time due to the unsuitable conditions in the house; and now the remaining duck was getting sick. The family makes the hard decision to deliver the living duck to a lake where, it is said, it met a friend immediately and swam away. I was surprised to notice the parallels to what I had just experienced, and on this corny comedy of all places! In addition to the events in the story that were similar to mine, there is a short speech by the father about the duck having gone to a place where its suffering had ended and it was now much better off. And of course, there was the tearful child having to let go of an animal he loved. It was as if it had been purposely prepared to relay a message to me--that God saw what I was going through, that He DOES "get me", a reminder that it was necessary to end Francie's suffering, that she was now better off.

The next day, I drove home from work in the drizzling rain with the repeating thought, "God did you cause that episode about the ducks to be scheduled at that time for me? Did you? Yes, it helped a little, but was it actually YOU or just a crazy coincidence?" As I continued to ask and ponder, I pulled into the supermarket parking lot, and for no fathomable reason decided to bypass my usual spot and go way across to a corner of the lot where I never park. I opened the door and set one foot down on the bark mulch and looked down to see--right beside my foot--a tiny, bright yellow object, only about half an inch long but so vivid in contrast to the dark, wet mulch that I couldn't miss it. Thinking it was just a candy dissolving in the rain, I was going to walk away but decided to take a closer look. It was a duck! A tiny yellow duck, dropped somehow by someone, as if placed there to say, "Yes, I care enough to go out of my way, to plan way ahead, even to set up a tv schedule, to comfort you in your grief and support your faith. I am always with you. I understand."

God knows what will speak to me, to you, to anyone who is asking questions and listening intently for an answer. For someone else, it will be something else. He knows. Just ask. His precision is amazing; His compassion infinite.

I left the little duck, did my shopping and went home. A few minutes later, I decided to go for the 20-minute walk back in the cool, wet air to find it--if it hadn't been picked up. There it was, and it now sits washed and clean on top of my microwave oven: A daily reminder that God hears.

There was one more thing the Lord did to help me in those few days after saying good-bye. He knows I have a tendency to analyze too much and find reasons to blame myself when a loved-one suffers, even when I've done nothing wrong. On Monday or Tuesday, I dropped into a drug store to pick something up; and as I'm walking down an aisle, the P.A. systems pops on and gives only one line of a song instantly cut off by an announcement that I couldn't decipher at all. Before the interruption the artist sang out, "Don't be so hard on yourself..." That's all! Then the crackling announcement; then nothing.

Do you think you are alone? Your are not. Do you think no one cares? Someone does. And He knows your every thought, your every need. Are you open to the Spirit of the Living Resurrected Jesus? All kinds of tragedies happen in this horribly broken world, every day, but it remains that He loves YOU, and He cares very much about animals too! Although He often seems hidden, He reveals that He is still there when you let the burdens of this world cause you to search with all your heart.

"...with eager hope, the creation looks forward to the day when it will join God's children in glorious freedom from death and decay. For we know that all creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. ... We too wait with eager hope for the day when God will give us our full rights as his adopted children, including the new bodies he has promised us." Romans 8:20-23 Bible. NLT

"All" means nothing is left out. Hebrews 2:8 Bible. NLT

"You care for people and animals alike, O Lord." Psalm 36:6 Bible, NLT

When someone becomes a true believer in Jesus, His Spirit comes to dwell in that person, and He guides us, directing our thoughts and actions, sometimes when we don't even realize it. He doesn't care that others may find your big needs trivial! He is rich in love and wants us to "pay it forward" to make the world a better place, all the while inspiring that Eternal Hope in Jesus.